Do you ever feel that pleasure just feels impossible in this world?
Or not important?
It makes sense.
The world is on fire.
When we live in a toxic culture where our bodies don’t belong to us.
Where rape culture exists.
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An important step to root into self love is to address our shame.
First, let's differentiate between shame and guilt. Grateful for Brené Brown for articulating a concept which I have found profoundly helpful in loving myself more deeply. In Brené’s famous Ted Talk about vulnerability, she emphasizes the importance of separating shame from guilt.
While guilt says, “I made a mistake,” shame says “I am a mistake.”
See the difference?
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Journaling is a fantastic way to empty our heads and hearts from all the noise that can make it hard to think clearly in our lives. It’s an anti-utilitarian process that emphasizes the journey of writing yourself into knowing; of finding yourself as you go.
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If you are like many people, receiving and feeling pleasure can be anywhere from somewhat difficult to VERY challenging. It may be hard to get out of your head and into your body... for many reasons.
Many folks I work with (including myself) struggle with dissociation. Especially during sex.
This is normal.
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One habit that has been helping me stay centered through chaos is admitting when I feel scared. Whether it's when my partner and I are talking about something challenging, or when I'm navigating social media, or when I am trying to make any freaking decision during a pandemic, simply saying, "I feel scared" helps me stay grounded and not go into "pattern."
Why is this helpful? What do you mean by going into pattern??
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I deeply recognize that I hold the skill of discernment necessary to learn from someone and not want to emulate everything about them.
I think our collective unconscious has a sneaky habit of putting leaders and teachers high on pedestals and as soon as they fuck up, we rip them off.
Instead, may we learn to hold discernment and nuance.
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Life is such a dance and a paradox. I'm seeing the paradox everywhere.
The work is not and will never be about being in balance perfectly, or about always walking the middle path. It's about noticing when we feel out of balance and coming back into center. Just like meditation and mindfulness, it's not about clearing your mind, it's not always about being aware of sensations in your body.
It's about the return. The remembering.
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As I step into the role of supporting others stepping into their roles, super meta I know, I’ve been going down the rabbit hole of understanding the interconnections between pleasure, politics, and what the fuck is success anyways.
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To put yourself out there and lead in any capacity with integrity takes SUCH vulnerability. People will prop you onto a pedestal and rip you off of it without warning.
You’ve got to face the mess. Face your shame. Face perfectionism. Face your privilege and/or ALL of the systems of oppression that aren’t in your favor.
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There is no secret is supporting our mental health, it’s a practice. Before you tune out, hear me out.
This is not about avoiding, bypassing, or downsizing. We need time and space for panic, rage, and grief.
This is about creating room for holding both. This practice is for everyone, but especially for you if
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Let’s be honest: Co-quarantaining, like we are experiencing right now, can put a lot of strain on relationships! If this is true for you, that’s VALID. I’ve been needing to remember all of my relationship tools and - oof!- am I grateful to have them. This is also the reason I thought this would be the perfect time to share them with you!
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It’s okay to feel sad, dissociated or angry. It's okay to feel all or any, or frankly, none of these feelings. It’s okay to take a break from feeling. It’s a lot of work to not go numb. It’s okay to take breaks from that work. That being said, it’s always ok - even necessary - to embrace pleasure and joy, and you never have to feel guilty for that.
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A blog post on the topic of jealousy. In this post I debunk 15 myths around jealousy and offer some loving and gentle advice, because the reality is you are not alone and you are so so so normal...whether you are experiencing jealousy or caring about people who are.
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A blog post on the importance of boundaries, and how to enforce them. In this post I share two important ways to strengthen your boundaries. 1) By clearly knowing what you want and stating what you don’t want and 2) By pairing your “no” with a corresponding action/consequence.
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A blog post on the importance of boundaries, recognising your red flags, and how to get started building boundaries that make you feel nourished and held.
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