You Don’t Need to Feel Guilty for Pursuing Your Joy and Pleasure - Ever
There is a special resource waiting for you at the bottom of this post. If you are looking for a way to dig deep and reconnect with your worthyness AND support others in doing the same, don’t forget to check it out before you leave.
Hey love,
I want to check in on you and offer some support.
Always, but especially now.
I’ve been working on something really powerful and have been for a while. However, considering the circumstances, I wanted to offer something immediately.
I’m here to adapt with the times.
I’m here to build community resilience.
Yes, I have a bigger plan, but sometimes you need to pivot and listen to your own instinct.
This is me listening to my own instinct and hoping that it serves you as well.
First, I want to say it’s okay to feel worried, numb, whatever right now.
Here’s how my cycle of feelings have been going:
My anxiety is a lot higher. I feel so worried about so many humans.
Then I feel grateful for what I have. I feel I grateful that I am an introvert, that I live close to nature and that I get be around my partner more. I feel relief that events are canceled.
Then I feel guilty that I have so much while disparities are really highlighted right now.
Then my anxiety comes back and I feel guilty for feeling anxious and I try to return to gratitude. The cycle continues.
If you resonate with that, you are not alone.
While my feelings are valid, when I choose to show up and serve, I can sometimes disrupt these patterns, so here I am!
It’s okay to feel sad, dissociated or angry. It's okay to feel all or any, or frankly, none of these feelings. It’s okay to take a break from feeling. It’s a lot of work to not go numb. It’s okay to take breaks from that work.
At the same time, remember that your feelings don’t excuse racism or hoarding resources or self harm.
For example, the pandemic is not an excuse to blame this on asian folks or to speak out online about your worry about getting fat or to buy all of the canned goods before others who can’t afford to stock up are able to buy any.
You matter. Every life matters. No human is disposable.
Pandemics are no joke and the disparities really come to light. And your feelings and how you are coping (or maybe thriving) are real and valid.
That being said, you do not need to feel guilty about following pleasure or joy. Not now. Not ever.
In fact, fiercely fucking go after any morsels of joy and pleasure that you can. Savor those moments and experiences.. Dance with them. Slurp them up. No matter what forms they take!!!
This is a message for me as much as it is for you!
Because pursuing pleasure can be challenging sometimes, but maybe especially now.
For example, I was playing The Sims 4 the other day and didn’t even realize I was feeling guilty for doing this, until my sweetie came in, turned on music and asked me to dance...
I got really upset. I had a big reaction and claimed some things. It took me a few moments to realize that I was deep in guilt and shame. I felt like I should be using my time more “wisely”.
This is a real battle for me! I want to give and show up. Redistribute money, provide more resources for you.
And sometimes I end up eating my words.
Sometimes my operating system is dripping with BIG GROSS SHOULD ENERGY.
It’s times like these where it’s important to embrace the both/and.
I am choosing to let myself feel and my heart completely break for the world because this is horrible AND I am inviting myself to LAUGH loudly at all of these brilliant memes.
It’s not always easy to walk this fine line.
This has been one of my favorite timeless quotes and now it carries a new literal meaning for me.
It’s a lot to unpack. I’ll start here:
I personally have a very loose definition of god; it can simply mean “mystery” to me and I like sitting with its meaning as it changes... and change can be really, really scary.
One thing that is supporting me in this time is mustering up some curiosity and respect for change, focusing on adapting, connecting to my resiliency, and that there is in fact something bigger than me that I can surrender into. Accepting that I can’t control everything.
I know, it’s easier said than done. Especially if so many things are going on and you struggle with things like finding your next clear thought.
One way to connect to change is by reflecting... thinking about a past situation where I thought it would be devastating to have it changed...and then, when it did, I was actually okay. Even better than okay!
One example I can share is breaking up with someone that I thought I was going to be with for a long, long time. Even have kids with. We were sloppily polyamorous and with my trauma history, I was constantly worried about what would go “wrong”, and I was clutching and grasping SO HARD.
This left me constantly stressed, forcing things, for years.
Eventually, the universe helped me out, and we broke up in a long and slow unfolding process. Did that mean a failed relationship? Fuck no! I learned SO much. I love this human and care about him, but I’m so much happier and more peaceful, now that we are no longer partnered.
I cringe when I think about how stressed out and traumatized I was in that relationship. Not pointing fingers sharing this, our compatibility did not work.
Could I have predicted this back then? No! I would have argued with my future self if I had been told this.
My point is, change isn’t always bad even when when we want to scream and punch it in the face.
With that being said, I know the following two prompts may not be easy. And that’s totally ok. If you can, this is an invitation to sit with the idea of change in your life and how you can embrace pleasure even in times of struggle.
If you can’t do this right now, that’s perfect also. I got you.
Prompt 1: Sitting with Change
If it feels right, journal about something from the past that you are worried about changing, but then, when it did, it turned out okay, or even for the better!
This can be nuanced. It doesn’t have to be this or that. It doesn’t have to be good or bad! I can still miss parts of that relationship and be grateful for the big change.
Both can be true.
Prompt 2: Embracing Pleasure as Support
What’s one pleasurable or joyful thing you have experienced recently? It can be really, really small?
If that’s hard to think of, that’s normal. It takes practice to notice what feels pleasurable and joyful. Especially now.
It’s a great time to pull out your healing resources and support where you can.
What has helped you cope through times of stress in the past? What’s one baby step you could take towards that?
If that feels hard to access, here are some things you could tune into now:
Drink a glass of water.
Log out of social media, delete the apps from your phone. Set a timer for the next time you want to consciously engage.
Text your friends, check in on them.
Listen to a playlist, dance, move your body.
Donate to a foodbank.
Pet an animal.
Reach out for help.
Instead of hoarding, start sharing. Ask how you can be in service, ask for what you need. We are all in this together.
Write a list of things you are grateful for.
Take three deep breaths.
Look at a plant. Look for something new about that plant that you never noticed before.
Water one of your plants. Ask them how they are doing.
Journal about how you want to spend this time.
Make a collage out of magazines and print outs, then hang it in your space.
Take a shower or a bath.
Indulge in cat memes, or cats in general.
Rub oils into your skin while listening to your favorite music.
What else?
If you are feeling the potential here. If you are feeling you want support. If you are wanting to cultivate hope. To dig DEEP into your resilience and power and magic - the big magic.
If you are ready to dream another world into being…
I’ve got just the thing…
I’m reopening my course Take Care as an invitation to those who know they want to embrace the both/and.
With take care, you can
Dig deep into your self and pull out wondrous revelations AND also support another person who might benefit from the same experience. (When you get Take Care, you can gift it to someone else for free)
Take care of yourself AND take care of community (when you get Take Care, 50% of sales will be donated to native reservations, sex workers, Black, brown, low income, elder, and disabled communities financially struggling due to Covid-19.)
If you do any of the prompts and are willing to share, you can always tag me on IG. I love seeing all you beautiful humans showing up in this world and for this world,
With fierce love,
