Pleasure Tips for When You Start to Dissociate
If you are like many people, receiving and feeling pleasure can be anywhere from somewhat difficult to VERY challenging. It may be hard to get out of your head and into your body... for many reasons.
Many folks I work with (including myself) struggle with dissociation. Especially during sex. Especially during the holiday. Especially when it comes to money.
This is normal. Dissociation is a powerful survival tool our brilliant bodies can use to keep us safe. For some, this feels like being “out of your body.” For others, it can feel like being deeply sunk within your body or in the ground. Or appeasing... putting all your energy on another person! There are many variations.
While this is a survival tool, we can get stuck in these places, finding it difficult to enjoy the pleasures of the body.
There are ways we can invite our bodies back.
Here are some quick tips for receiving pleasure when experiencing dissociation:
Look for clues and cues in the ways you dissociate so you can become more easily aware of it when it happens. Once you notice you are dissociating, you could try simply naming it. If it feels right, you could even thank your body for being so wise and helping you survive. Take as much time as you need doing this. Your body is always doing the best it can! If you are having sex with another person (aka not solo sex) or engaging with a loved one in anyway ask them to look for your cues of you dissociating so they can name it and be present with it too.
Take some deep, slow breaths. Notice what it feels like & pay attention to your breath with as much compassion as you can.
Engage your senses! Play some soothing music. Incorporate yummy smells like incense or essential oils. Eat fruit and chocolate. Use feathers, oils or other soft things to tickle and engage your skin.
And more touch! For me, pressure helps me stay in my body. If you are doing solo sex things like a weighted blanket can help. If I am with a partner, I ask them to lay on me or put lots of pressure on my body.
Sound! Make all sorts of goofy to serious noises can help us stay connected to our body.
Thank your body or just acknowledge your consciousness wanting to escape! You can invite it to be here & present with you. Or a part of your body. Maybe that’s just your hand. Your toes. Try feeling into a felt sense of safety and belonging in this part of your body. Tell it that it’s allowed to be here with you. That’s it’s okay to be here on the planet. Try feeling this safety rather than just thinking it...even if it’s just your pinky! Your consciousness knew the path “out” and invite it to take the path back in. Your body may feel scared or reluctant. Be patient. If you can’t find a part of your body that feels safe to be here, try recalling a memory that can evoke a feeling of comfort, or a fantasy or a texture (like a soft blanket) that brings sometime type of safety. Finding safety can take a long time. Baby steps. And it can come and go. Again, be patient and fiercely gentle with yourself.
Once you can notice some type of felt sense of safety, try adopting an attitude of curiosity, compassion and silliness while continuing these practices and pursuing pleasure!
If you want a whole lot more of this kind of support almost every day for three months, mixed with live classes, somatic exercises, guest interviews, a book group, and MORE, you can join us for Pleasure Witch Academy to confront internalized pleasure oppression and root back into fierce self love. It only opens for enrollment once a year!
My trauma-informed approach to healing from pleasure oppression offers support and practices daily. Because it takes time to heal and integrate what you are learning. And pleasure is our birthright everyday.
with love and such gentle fierceness,
luna