The Reality of Having Two Boyfriends
For the past 10 months I have been dating two men. To share about it cohesively and transparently had been challenging... because it has been... yup, pretty challenging! What is so true, is that I love, adore and appreciate these men so deeply. I actively choose to be with each of them because it's so worth it. I am in choice every day.
While there are an infinite number of ways to relate openly, to claim sovereignty, to support unconditionally, my personal dynamic is dynamic...and unique. I am intimately committed to two men. Which yes, is very radical. Living in our current paradigm and having two partners requires a lot of internal dismantling for everyone involved.
I am constantly learning and integrating, through everyday experience. One of things that is most challenging but I'm also most grateful for is that I can't hide when I have two partners. I can't blame or project my shadows because I can see my patterns play out in two separate scenarios. "Another fucking opportunity for growth" is a weekly occurrence.
To stay grounded, sovereign and sane, I've learned that I need to take ownership for my emotions, claim my alone time, meditate to manage my jealousy, and be vigilant with communication!
I love the principles of open relating, but the amount of emotional labor it takes to manage more than one relationship AND exist in our current culture, makes it not for everyone. However, I do think everyone should be emotionally intimate with more than one person. Relying on just one other human to be your emotional everything (best friend, lover, housemate, co-parent, counselor)....just isn't sustainable.
While, I don’t claim to be an expert in polyamory, my real life experiences have taught me how to hold a great deal. I love empathizing with OTHERS exploring the many forms of relating. Whether you are monogamous, curious, or among the spectrum of non-monogamy, I have learned many, many tools on how to navigate conflict, claim your pleasure, and find the yummy balance in your own unique love life.
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