Redefining Success for Yourself
I know that you may hear the word "success" – an overused, cliché term – and think, "Yeah, yeah, I know" … and then want to simply scroll on, looking for a different (i.e. easier) solution to what you're facing right now.
We read about these big topics over and over again and think that we have done the work because we have intellectually grasped what they mean.
But that is not doing the work and there are no quick fixes. In most cases, we can't intellectualize our way to healing, courage, leadership, and embodiment.
You might be surprised to find out about the difference between what you consciously think about something versus what beliefs your subconscious is clinging to. Or what you might have intellectually understood but struggle applying on a nervous system level.
Success is one of these topics. We think we know what we want and spend most of our lives chasing this idea; but when we have to describe it, it gets sort of blurry.
For example, we think that financial success isn't our biggest priority, but all of our business practices are actually aligned with exploitative and profit-focused marketing systems. Or we value freedom as a form of success while our businesses don't support it. Or we are unable to make money if we aren't glued to our devices.
Or we value connection with our closest loved ones but we pour all of our energy into our work, and then resent our closest humans when they make a bid for connection.
There are so many different ways to have success. Your purpose is more than just your career.
In fact, your purpose is something you bring to everything you do - your career is just one area.
But white supremacist, cis heteropatriarchy culture has manufactured and sold a certain dream of success that for some of us can be really challenging and confusing to disentangle from!
These DRAINING and dissociative expectations impact all aspects of our lives.
In order to stay centered, I have to continuously challenge my internalized “shoulds” in many different ways. And that means being clear on what success actually looks like and feels like for me.
This is a regular practice and not something you figure out once and then never think about ever again.
If I am not careful, I will fall into the trap of doing something to be accepted rather than because it makes sense for me and my skillset, my identity, my happiness and my values.
There isn’t a formula for success because success looks different for different people - can change over time.
What can be dangerous is comparing your work and life to others that you see online. Thinking that YOU need or want what THEY have – and then feeling inadequate that you don't. All of a sudden, you feel crappy and find yourself going down a path pursuing something that you don't even care about, whether it's doing speaking traveling gigs, starting a podcast, getting big on TikTok, or whatever.
Just because others are doing it doesn't mean YOU need to! And it’s important to check in with why you want to.
There is a lot of pleasure in knowing what your actual idea of success looks like. It will help you feel a greater sense of purpose, clarity, and direction for your work. For example, it's going to look different depending on if you're more extroverted or introverted or on what your biggest priority is. It might be traveling around the world; or it might be being featured in big name brands as much as possible.
It can be about finding your own enough-ness.
Instead of just profits for profits' sake, endless expansions, and being seen as an expert because your ego likes it.
Some ideas on what success could look like:
Success can be about feeling nourished and supported financially so you can pay it forward to others.
Success can be not needing to work until 11 AM.
Success can be having the flexibility to randomly take a couple of days off.
Success can be about knowing that your work continuously feeds into collective liberation.
Success can be having enough disposable income to take a last minute trip or buy the cute outfit you randomly saw while strolling around town.
Success can be about having ample time to spend with your loved ones.
Success can be about feeling joy when you go to work.
You get to decide what makes you feel like you have achieved something with the work you do and the impact you have.
Want more journal prompts to reflect on what success actually means for you?
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